Sadness, pain, endurance

Huarghhh..after so longgg....
My first post since .. i forgot when
First of all, there are many things to be updated, but as i am now...i wont be updating much.

Takziah to Siti Nursyahira Nabila di atas pemergian ibunda tercinta. I can't say I know how you feel exactly, cause i haven't lost my beloved mother yet. But I did think about it when I was at the hospital, which made me sad. You're tough, i know you are. If for me, i'd be a zombie for quite a while. But, listen to me, people come and people go, but God'll be there for you always. My mom always tell me to depend , rely on God. That way when I lose someone it'll be less painful.

I'm doing nothing nowadays except for assigments , Blackshot , and gym!
The think I like about gym is I finally can make it come true. What I've been planning for years and years. Hopefully it'll be as i hope it will. I just want to be fit and healthy, for the sake of God, myself, and those around me.
I have this one problem, which I may not state here, (only myself and mom know about this) that urges me to be fit.

Last but not least, I finally get my hands on MARA loans! Yeah! The only part left to be done is to sign all those paperworks and i'll be free from all those fees! Yeah!

Amazing trip!

Last saturday , on 15th may 2010... my mom, hafiz rosli and myself went for a trip to Kelantan. I was on the mission on sending my mom SAFELY to my brother's house in Melor, Kelantan. The trip begins at 6pm...and the weird things started happening at around 7++pm at the Petronas station at Karak Highway. Really unlucky for me..as this thing happened to me once before..and it happened again..man..it sucks!
My car keys along with other keys fall into the pit of disaster (lubang jamban liao!)
and the guy before me didnt flush! Fuck it! I was shocked and couldnt think well..if i flush the toilet..my keys wouldve been flushed as well..HELL NO. that's the only key and we're far away from home. So i brace myself and went DEEP. God knows how i felt that time. With all the SHITS inside...me...who is a penggeli..had to go through a nightmare..SHIT HAPPENS MAN. Then, lepas da basuh2 sume..i went out and asked for some soap..but the petronas didnt have any..luckily i have my sanitizer in the car..phewwww..
but my alarm was broken..and it went on and off like crazy..had to put out the battery to make things better.
ok that's the first thing happened on this trip.

2nd :
The bumpy roads sucks. And hafiz seems to be pushing himself to the limit when i felt he rushed things and went on the bumpy roads like crazy..hahaha..
Arrived at 2am..sleep at 3..woke up at 10..drive to kubang kerian to drop off mom and brother with his family at the new mydin there. Went to Kota Bharu to meet up with my lil bro and lil sis + their mom (my stepmom)
They've grown up! My brother now is having girls all over him..and he smokes too.. O_o form 3..jeeeez


3rd :
on our way back..we stopped by K.Terengganu..called some friends to lepaking at the usual place...then move on our journey at around 11++ pm.
I drove with full integrity..well.not..i was sleepy...i did many things to keep me awake which includes singing loudly (sorry apis) , wash my face off with the mineral water, put my face out the window to feel the breeze, smoked A LOT, and even stopped at the station to buy some Redbull and wash my face..again.
Yet, i still feel sleepy and by the time i reached LPT...i was TOO damn SLEEPY that i was having illusion of a Singapore Lion Gold Statue in the middle of the highway! WTF man..that's the most ridiculous illusion i've ever seen in my life..kot. Before this i was seeing cones and things..but now..lion???? and i was evading it like crazy sampai hafiz woke up. after that..we immediately switched driver.

4th :
i was awaken by the sudden stop of the car..due to insects attack!
the insects which always fly around lamps...came on the windshield and suicided! there were millions of them..suddenly i felt like im in the movie where aliens invaded but instead, insects invaded us! I should suggest this to M.Night Shyamalan :D

that's all ..my car is cleaned up now..all the dead bodies have been wiped off and its all thanks to the guys next to Rafi Bistro for cleaning it up!

Weird...

I was on my to kopitiam (next to Rafi Bistro) at that time, and was on the phone with faris safwan bin ibrahim...suddenly..

a guy , pakistani or indian (am not sure) , who was seating at the corner of Syuhaida restaurant , and wearing all whites ..... said something to me.

Guy in White : You have a bright face and bright future aheads you (something like this la..forgot the exact wordings)

Me : *Blur* , *thumbs up* and then walk away.

Upon reaching kopitiam...my mind suddenly recalled back on the guy. Who was that? Is he and angel? Is he gay? Or is he just a normal guy complimenting me?
I've been thinking about that for quite some time..and why did he actually said that. ARGHGHHHHHH

BBQ Partay

Last Sunday nite was awesome! The bbq partay at the macho dudes' house (faris,khairil,nazim,hafiz,zakhwan) is not to be forgotten. Lots of food, lots of laughter, and lots of people (i guess?). Killer game is interesting as usual. No doubt about it. Finally, achap get to be the killer, twice. The best part is when all of us guys gathered around to watch omegle. HAHAHAHA.

Thank you for the invitation!

New target. New beginnings.

No more.
Time for a change.
All the best to me!

OH MY GOD!

Yesterday was a busy day for me and some of my colleagues...

So many things happened, but im glad with the ending.

Since the day before.. i haven't got much sleep..and now im typing this at 4:01 am.. (this means that in 2 days, i only sleep for about 2-3 hours..dang!)

Ok, the thing begins like this.....

On 10th March 2010, i was sooooooooo frustrated to see the lady or should i say..the girl who i am deeply , truthfully , honestly fallen for suddenly is engaged to a guy which i didnt know much about. To make it short, i need something to calm my nerves and those things unluckily arent good things. I should be praying to God but instead, i went out to let loose some things.
Thanks to everyone who made my day and night by joining me having fun at Jalan Damai..we shisha-ed..and played 'Killer' game...it was fun .. guys!
I did some research and discovered that the engagement was for fun (i dont know whether its the truth or not) but i accept it for the time being. Less stress for me.
The girl, she told me that they were just playing (hopefully lah kan?) ..
It cost me my secrets and feelings to get that info.. i DID it again! darn!
I told her everything about my feelings for her...and she was like...blurr and couldnt accept that i still and do love her.

The next day, i brave up myself to invite her for a date to settle some miscommunication we had in the past because of the Short Message System. I have to be brave and talk to her live!
But, it feels as if she doesnt want to or not ready for the talk yet. She keeps wanting other people to come with us and not wanting it to be a date just the two of us (is it?)
I became frustrated again.

Okay enough bout that,
i have another problem...a friend..after accusing me things i didnt do..said that she wanted to meet me and tell alllll the stories we've been missing...and updates me with things...but she let me (who hasnt sleep much) down. We made a promise that after i finishes class..that we will sit down somewhere and talk. How amazing she could just sleep and said that she's not well and later she'll contact me...what the..? Hey! I havent slept for a while and i didnt go back home straight from class because of you okay? I picked up another friend bcause she also wants to talk to you but this is how u repay us? If u dont want to meet and keeps avoiding..then i'll say it here..hopefully u'll stalk this and read it...
One thing i've been dying to say .. please..stop treating me like a dumb...
I LOVE helping people but please dont use that its-an-order tone with me. I kept my calm for a long time..u came to me when u need my help..u tossed me away when u dont need me...who or what do u think i am??? I am a person with feelings and im not stupid that i do not realize things like this...but for other people to talk back and some even say it to my face..you're tearing off my EGO la babe...
I tried so hard to please u..to help u..to be there when u need it...but u shud have done the same..i didnt ask u to come when im in need..all i ask u is to not simply break your promises or dont make promises u cannot fulfill!
I dont know if u realize this or not..but u keep failing to be there to hangout with me or us after making beautiful promise..i know your voice is very attractive and so do you yourself...but please...dont use that advantage..my patience have limits dear...

Please do not treat me like some kind of noob dumb shit. Respect people if u want people to respect u. I almost fell in love with u if not because of these you know?
I really wish to help u..be with u..and do whatever it takes to bring u back to the right path..but it seems that u yourself do not wish the same.
You're not being honest with me..you keep cancelling / covering things with your lies!

Hopefully i can meet you and settle all this once and for all. If u do not change..i'll break my promise and totally leave u (not that u need me much kan? u have your FRIENDS/KULI BATAK everywhere. I know by reading this u will be quite mad with me..but i seems to always fail to say it out in front of your face. Im not good with 1 to 1 live talk. This blog is the place i always pour my feelings and dissappointment or whatsoever. Hopefully u realize what've done and what is my goal exactly. Please...dont stray away more...it makes me sad to see a friend becoming like this. Contact me as soon as u are ready to meet..if im ready and available..i'll meet u and we can settle this mano o mano.

Ok..then..next story...is about another friend...
I wouldnt say much..as we already did just now at Extreme Park rite?
I apologize on behalf of myself and the others who are too ignorant to correct u when u are wrong. Maybe its our fault..
But Alhamdulillah all has been said (as for me lah) ...and hopefully u will change bit by bit after this.. after all..we are friends rite?
If u want a good and memorable memoirs here..u need to change and let us be friends..REAL FRIENDS..no more on sympathy or hypocrit basis..but be REAL friend.
Sorry again and thanks for not running away from the problems...u face it well just now even after all we've said...u didnt run or avoid us..Thanks..
Hopefully we can be good friends after this..no more hard feelings k? (^.^)v

That's all i can say..too sleepy...anyway...2 more to go..
1. Conversation with the other 'friend'
2. Settling my emotions problem with 'the girl' ...

Pray for me! That's all i guess...bye.

Baru ku sedari~

Aku tak mengerti ... apa yang kurasa,
Rindu yang tak pernah ... begitu hebatnya
Aku mencintaimu lebih dari yang kau tahu ...
Meski kau tak akan pernah tahu

Aku persembahkan ... hidupku untukmu,
Telah kurelakan ... hatiku padamu,
Namun kau masih bisu ... diam seribu bahasa
Dan hati kecilku bicara ...

Baru kusadari ...
Cintaku bertepuk sebelah tangan
Kau buat remuk seluruh hatiku ...

Semoga waktu akan mengilhami sisi hatimu yang beku,
Semoga akan datang keajaiban, hingga akhirnya kaupun mau

Aku mencintaimu
Lebih dari yang kau tahu ...
Meski kau tak kan pernah tahu




ni lagi satu..mantab shit.


Song Name: Growing Wings
Arist: Loula
First Appearance: Drakengard

Crimson lights the sky, the bird still asleep
Like a dream it shines, from heaven's safe keep
Children songs we sung, as soft as the breeze
Endless fields, our home, I long for those days

I call out these prayers to the sky, heavy with thought, see your face
I carry these memories inside, thoughts of a soul colored by love
See me grow wings and fly high, passions will die down below
I burn in a basin of fire, watchers look on as they dance in their merciless sky
Watching me, watching you

Silent black, the dawn, and time tell its tale
Darkened blood, it flows, the forest receives
Look within the dark as deep as you dare
There inside you find destruction you seek

I call out these prayers to the sky, heavy with thought, see your face
I carry these memories inside, thoughts of a soul colored by love
See me grow wings and fly high, passions will die down below
I burn in a basin of fire, watchers look on as they dance in their merciless sky
Watching me, watching you

21. 8-2-2010

This day is quite meaningful, and unforgettable for me.

It is the day that i discovered a few things in my life. I was suprised 3 times by people during these few days.

1. I was 'sympathized' by someone i used to LOVE. Which i fucking hate. I dont need your sympathy. I dont need your so-called-barcode-love. I'm sorry to say this, but i ain't THAT desperate. I'd rather be alone than being used like a dumb.

2. An old friend came to Shah Alam! Thank you Yaz and Aya for the suprise!

3. A birthday suprise at AC...was embarrassed at first..but was soooo happy to know that people cared. Thank you everyone!

The birthday suprise and presents are amazing. Thank you Thank you and Thank you.

ps: 143 All.

Kau Tipu Aku

Pernah dulu kau kata kau cintakan ku,
Bertahun lama sanggup kau menungguku,
Hati dan jiwamu hanyalah untukku,
Sumpah dan janjimu memburu untukku.
CHORUS
ya ya ya ya,
Kau, kau tipu aku, x2
Kau tipu aku
Kau tipu aku
Kau curi jiwaku kau gembirakannya,
Kau dakap tanganku,
kau bahagiakannya,
kau kucup bibirku,
Kau menikmatinya,
Kau peluk tubuhku,
Kau ceriakannya.
CHORUS
Kiniku lihat kau berdua dengannya,
Tapi mengapa dia teman karibku,
Tawa gembira,
Musnahkan jiwaku,
Kau hancurkan semua saat manisku.

What's up?

Nothing is up except the ceiling.
But something is wrong with my chest. I feel pain!
I think it's from my heart.
Please, help me! I wonder what's wrong??
Doctor! Doctor!?
I need medical attention now!
What is this feeling i have?
Damn it! It's fucking painful!
My heart is beating so fast that it may explode at any time!
Oh GOD, please do help me.
I can't do much....
I can't stop thinking of HER ..
Oh My God... I think im in LOVE!

Current song :

Hingga akhir nanti
kau tetap jadi pujaan
walau seribu tahun
walau seribu zaman
kutetap menanti

Hingga akhir nanti
kau saja idaman hati
segala rasa cinta
segala rasa sayang
hanyalah untukmu

hingga akhir nanti

Bulan takkan terang
tanpa seri wajahmu
hati takkan tenang
tanpa kehadiranmu
rindu dalam sepi
rindu dalam mimpi
kutetap menanti

hingga akhir nanti

Datanglah kekasih
datanglah padaku
kesetiaan diriku
janganlah kau ragu
betapa kukasih
betapa kurindu
seandai kau tahu
benarnya cintaku

This song is meaningful. I came across it accidentally just now (thanks to a friend who wanted to listen to alleycats earlier yesterday..the folder is still open and i just click randomly on songs)

Facebook.

I've been changing my facebook statuses a lot lately.
Here are some of them that i really like :


1."You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her"

2."I may look like my father, but deep inside i have my mother's heart"

3."Everything I do, I do it for you"

4."If you don't try you would never know, if you try you may know, if you have tried and you don't know, you suck!"

5."What's on my mind? Nothing."

And why would i post this? To remind myself in the future what i've done.

Good morning Malaysia!

After long hours of sleeping,i feel rejuvenated(is this the correct spelling?) again!
Last night i was in deep-shit-state , which was very bad as i cant even concentrate on DotA! I overslept and missed the pool game (which i lost rm5 also) .. and then when i woke up this morning..im totally hungry!

Nevertherless, its been a few days with pool , BK , and stuffs. So, im running out of cash $$$$ now. Left about 50 bucks..to survive till the end of the month.
What can i do? any suggestion?

If 1 carton of maggi mee cost about rm4 with 5 packets inside. which means for 15 days...i have to buy 3 of it..which cost rm12... that left me with another rm38...fuel for 15 days without going out of shah alam...around rm15? no..more than that probably...that left me for about rm18++ more...i think i can survive without cigarette for half a month..maybe...just maybe...oh GOD!! please help me!

11 January2010 - my first mid sem xm for degree.

Sayu terpisah
hikayat indah kini hanya tinggal sejarah
berhembus angin rindu
begitu nyamannya terhidu wangian kasihmu
hujan lebat mencurah kini
bagaikan tiada henti
kaulah laguku kau irama terindah
tak lagi kudengari
kau pergi.. pergi..
sepi tanpa kata
terdiam dan kaku tak daya kau kulupa
apa pun kata mereka
biarkan kenangan berbunga di ranting usia

chuakkk!!

I believe.

I believe... Even though you are not with me, this is not how we part.
I believe... You're taking the long way back to me.
Inside all those past memories,
I make myself hurt and myself cry.

You didn't cry as much as me, without a lot of tears, you tried to give me a painless good-bye.
I know that you will one day return to me, that I believe,
I will wait for you, I'll do it for you.

I believe... Because I might hurt, you couldn't even cry.
I believe... You will return to me all the tears that I now shed.
I'll glimpse you come into my sight
And it'll make my tears fall.

You didn't cry as much as me, without a lot of tears, you tried to give me a painless good-bye.
I know that you will one day return to me, that I believe,
I will wait for you, I'll do it for you.

Was the world was dazzling before I met you?
Underneath that sky, all I'm left with are tears
I will save this place next to me.

You are the only reason...
That waiting gives me enough happiness.
Love is the only reason...
As days pass by,
If you forget the way, I'll be waiting
I do it for you.
I do it for you.