You.

Dear you,

It's been almost 5 years that we've known each other. It feels like just yesterday i met you and get to know you. I know so little of you nowadays, unlike the old days, at some point, where we are THAT close, that we share every little things we had in mind. Oh how I wish we could turn back time, or at least, go back to the time where I started changing my view on you, started changing who I was to you, started all these ridiculous acts and emotions. I feel like just going back there, and smacked my old self so that I will get REAL. But, that would never happen. What has happened, . . . happened. They happened for a reason too.

Do you still remember, the days where we could just go out randomly, whenever we feel like to, and go just about anywhere, no matter how short or long the trip, how random, how little budget we have, in the end, we would still manage to have fun? I miss those days too, just like how you may miss them too.

Do you still remember, the days where we could talk almost about anything? Without thinking of the consequences, or having the problems like we have now? I know most of the things happening right now are mainly caused by me myself, and my own stupidity,ego, and hopelessness. Everyday, i hope those days to come back, even now, where i could listen to your stories and never get tired of it.

Do you still remember, you used to help me when I'm in a pinch, you used to be there always when I need you? You inspired me, that's why it is hard to forget all those things you ever did. Even the tiniest things, like asking how I am, could melt this stone heart of mine. You gave me a new meaning to love someone, not just by the looks, but by many other aspects as well.

Do you still remember, how we spent hours, sitting in cafes, diners, restaurants, just so we could do some revisions, or maybe, just so you could make me do my revisions. I believe you wouldn't need to have me to urge yourself to do so. You're just helping me, and I thank you for that. If it wouldn't because of you, i would still be that guy who procrastinates till the last minute of examination, to go and find people whom I can rely on, photocopying their notes, and struggle so much, just to end up getting average results.



Dear you,

For all I care, I would never have the thought of harming you, in any ways. It is just so happen that, sometimes, things get way over my head, and it burst like the Krakatoa volcano. I wish I could be more patient, and patient, and patient, so that I could bare all the things happening, and never let any harm come to you, like a knight I wanted to be.

As a weakling that I am, I'm not even fit to be a friend, what more to be your shield and sword. I really hoped that I could achieve something up to my name, but the way I see it, it is not happening, not now, not even in the near future. I need to do some purification, before I can even think of achieving such things.

As I type this, my vision is fading away, straying, in the land of the dream. I really hope that, we both end up meeting each other again, someday, somehow, as better friends, closer, than we ever before. I am exhausted, but I will never get tired of waiting, trying, and hoping. I will never forget those memories we had, and I'm hoping that we can build more memories to come, in this little diary, inside this cavity on my chest.

I really hope you'd be the one, whom I'd sacrifice and protect with all my life, share my happiness and sadness with, raise children with, and grow old with.
But if you're not meant to be, I hope you'd find the one, who'd be willing to do so with you, that you are willing to do so with too. If that time has come, I'd be the one who wishes you all your best, and pray for your happiness till the end.
May God Bless you, Ray.

ps: The silence is driving me crazy.........

Sadness, pain, endurance

Huarghhh..after so longgg....
My first post since .. i forgot when
First of all, there are many things to be updated, but as i am now...i wont be updating much.

Takziah to Siti Nursyahira Nabila di atas pemergian ibunda tercinta. I can't say I know how you feel exactly, cause i haven't lost my beloved mother yet. But I did think about it when I was at the hospital, which made me sad. You're tough, i know you are. If for me, i'd be a zombie for quite a while. But, listen to me, people come and people go, but God'll be there for you always. My mom always tell me to depend , rely on God. That way when I lose someone it'll be less painful.

I'm doing nothing nowadays except for assigments , Blackshot , and gym!
The think I like about gym is I finally can make it come true. What I've been planning for years and years. Hopefully it'll be as i hope it will. I just want to be fit and healthy, for the sake of God, myself, and those around me.
I have this one problem, which I may not state here, (only myself and mom know about this) that urges me to be fit.

Last but not least, I finally get my hands on MARA loans! Yeah! The only part left to be done is to sign all those paperworks and i'll be free from all those fees! Yeah!

Amazing trip!

Last saturday , on 15th may 2010... my mom, hafiz rosli and myself went for a trip to Kelantan. I was on the mission on sending my mom SAFELY to my brother's house in Melor, Kelantan. The trip begins at 6pm...and the weird things started happening at around 7++pm at the Petronas station at Karak Highway. Really unlucky for me..as this thing happened to me once before..and it happened again..man..it sucks!
My car keys along with other keys fall into the pit of disaster (lubang jamban liao!)
and the guy before me didnt flush! Fuck it! I was shocked and couldnt think well..if i flush the toilet..my keys wouldve been flushed as well..HELL NO. that's the only key and we're far away from home. So i brace myself and went DEEP. God knows how i felt that time. With all the SHITS inside...me...who is a penggeli..had to go through a nightmare..SHIT HAPPENS MAN. Then, lepas da basuh2 sume..i went out and asked for some soap..but the petronas didnt have any..luckily i have my sanitizer in the car..phewwww..
but my alarm was broken..and it went on and off like crazy..had to put out the battery to make things better.
ok that's the first thing happened on this trip.

2nd :
The bumpy roads sucks. And hafiz seems to be pushing himself to the limit when i felt he rushed things and went on the bumpy roads like crazy..hahaha..
Arrived at 2am..sleep at 3..woke up at 10..drive to kubang kerian to drop off mom and brother with his family at the new mydin there. Went to Kota Bharu to meet up with my lil bro and lil sis + their mom (my stepmom)
They've grown up! My brother now is having girls all over him..and he smokes too.. O_o form 3..jeeeez


3rd :
on our way back..we stopped by K.Terengganu..called some friends to lepaking at the usual place...then move on our journey at around 11++ pm.
I drove with full integrity..well.not..i was sleepy...i did many things to keep me awake which includes singing loudly (sorry apis) , wash my face off with the mineral water, put my face out the window to feel the breeze, smoked A LOT, and even stopped at the station to buy some Redbull and wash my face..again.
Yet, i still feel sleepy and by the time i reached LPT...i was TOO damn SLEEPY that i was having illusion of a Singapore Lion Gold Statue in the middle of the highway! WTF man..that's the most ridiculous illusion i've ever seen in my life..kot. Before this i was seeing cones and things..but now..lion???? and i was evading it like crazy sampai hafiz woke up. after that..we immediately switched driver.

4th :
i was awaken by the sudden stop of the car..due to insects attack!
the insects which always fly around lamps...came on the windshield and suicided! there were millions of them..suddenly i felt like im in the movie where aliens invaded but instead, insects invaded us! I should suggest this to M.Night Shyamalan :D

that's all ..my car is cleaned up now..all the dead bodies have been wiped off and its all thanks to the guys next to Rafi Bistro for cleaning it up!

Weird...

I was on my to kopitiam (next to Rafi Bistro) at that time, and was on the phone with faris safwan bin ibrahim...suddenly..

a guy , pakistani or indian (am not sure) , who was seating at the corner of Syuhaida restaurant , and wearing all whites ..... said something to me.

Guy in White : You have a bright face and bright future aheads you (something like this la..forgot the exact wordings)

Me : *Blur* , *thumbs up* and then walk away.

Upon reaching kopitiam...my mind suddenly recalled back on the guy. Who was that? Is he and angel? Is he gay? Or is he just a normal guy complimenting me?
I've been thinking about that for quite some time..and why did he actually said that. ARGHGHHHHHH

BBQ Partay

Last Sunday nite was awesome! The bbq partay at the macho dudes' house (faris,khairil,nazim,hafiz,zakhwan) is not to be forgotten. Lots of food, lots of laughter, and lots of people (i guess?). Killer game is interesting as usual. No doubt about it. Finally, achap get to be the killer, twice. The best part is when all of us guys gathered around to watch omegle. HAHAHAHA.

Thank you for the invitation!

New target. New beginnings.

No more.
Time for a change.
All the best to me!

OH MY GOD!

Yesterday was a busy day for me and some of my colleagues...

So many things happened, but im glad with the ending.

Since the day before.. i haven't got much sleep..and now im typing this at 4:01 am.. (this means that in 2 days, i only sleep for about 2-3 hours..dang!)

Ok, the thing begins like this.....

On 10th March 2010, i was sooooooooo frustrated to see the lady or should i say..the girl who i am deeply , truthfully , honestly fallen for suddenly is engaged to a guy which i didnt know much about. To make it short, i need something to calm my nerves and those things unluckily arent good things. I should be praying to God but instead, i went out to let loose some things.
Thanks to everyone who made my day and night by joining me having fun at Jalan Damai..we shisha-ed..and played 'Killer' game...it was fun .. guys!
I did some research and discovered that the engagement was for fun (i dont know whether its the truth or not) but i accept it for the time being. Less stress for me.
The girl, she told me that they were just playing (hopefully lah kan?) ..
It cost me my secrets and feelings to get that info.. i DID it again! darn!
I told her everything about my feelings for her...and she was like...blurr and couldnt accept that i still and do love her.

The next day, i brave up myself to invite her for a date to settle some miscommunication we had in the past because of the Short Message System. I have to be brave and talk to her live!
But, it feels as if she doesnt want to or not ready for the talk yet. She keeps wanting other people to come with us and not wanting it to be a date just the two of us (is it?)
I became frustrated again.

Okay enough bout that,
i have another problem...a friend..after accusing me things i didnt do..said that she wanted to meet me and tell alllll the stories we've been missing...and updates me with things...but she let me (who hasnt sleep much) down. We made a promise that after i finishes class..that we will sit down somewhere and talk. How amazing she could just sleep and said that she's not well and later she'll contact me...what the..? Hey! I havent slept for a while and i didnt go back home straight from class because of you okay? I picked up another friend bcause she also wants to talk to you but this is how u repay us? If u dont want to meet and keeps avoiding..then i'll say it here..hopefully u'll stalk this and read it...
One thing i've been dying to say .. please..stop treating me like a dumb...
I LOVE helping people but please dont use that its-an-order tone with me. I kept my calm for a long time..u came to me when u need my help..u tossed me away when u dont need me...who or what do u think i am??? I am a person with feelings and im not stupid that i do not realize things like this...but for other people to talk back and some even say it to my face..you're tearing off my EGO la babe...
I tried so hard to please u..to help u..to be there when u need it...but u shud have done the same..i didnt ask u to come when im in need..all i ask u is to not simply break your promises or dont make promises u cannot fulfill!
I dont know if u realize this or not..but u keep failing to be there to hangout with me or us after making beautiful promise..i know your voice is very attractive and so do you yourself...but please...dont use that advantage..my patience have limits dear...

Please do not treat me like some kind of noob dumb shit. Respect people if u want people to respect u. I almost fell in love with u if not because of these you know?
I really wish to help u..be with u..and do whatever it takes to bring u back to the right path..but it seems that u yourself do not wish the same.
You're not being honest with me..you keep cancelling / covering things with your lies!

Hopefully i can meet you and settle all this once and for all. If u do not change..i'll break my promise and totally leave u (not that u need me much kan? u have your FRIENDS/KULI BATAK everywhere. I know by reading this u will be quite mad with me..but i seems to always fail to say it out in front of your face. Im not good with 1 to 1 live talk. This blog is the place i always pour my feelings and dissappointment or whatsoever. Hopefully u realize what've done and what is my goal exactly. Please...dont stray away more...it makes me sad to see a friend becoming like this. Contact me as soon as u are ready to meet..if im ready and available..i'll meet u and we can settle this mano o mano.

Ok..then..next story...is about another friend...
I wouldnt say much..as we already did just now at Extreme Park rite?
I apologize on behalf of myself and the others who are too ignorant to correct u when u are wrong. Maybe its our fault..
But Alhamdulillah all has been said (as for me lah) ...and hopefully u will change bit by bit after this.. after all..we are friends rite?
If u want a good and memorable memoirs here..u need to change and let us be friends..REAL FRIENDS..no more on sympathy or hypocrit basis..but be REAL friend.
Sorry again and thanks for not running away from the problems...u face it well just now even after all we've said...u didnt run or avoid us..Thanks..
Hopefully we can be good friends after this..no more hard feelings k? (^.^)v

That's all i can say..too sleepy...anyway...2 more to go..
1. Conversation with the other 'friend'
2. Settling my emotions problem with 'the girl' ...

Pray for me! That's all i guess...bye.