OH MY GOD!

Yesterday was a busy day for me and some of my colleagues...

So many things happened, but im glad with the ending.

Since the day before.. i haven't got much sleep..and now im typing this at 4:01 am.. (this means that in 2 days, i only sleep for about 2-3 hours..dang!)

Ok, the thing begins like this.....

On 10th March 2010, i was sooooooooo frustrated to see the lady or should i say..the girl who i am deeply , truthfully , honestly fallen for suddenly is engaged to a guy which i didnt know much about. To make it short, i need something to calm my nerves and those things unluckily arent good things. I should be praying to God but instead, i went out to let loose some things.
Thanks to everyone who made my day and night by joining me having fun at Jalan Damai..we shisha-ed..and played 'Killer' game...it was fun .. guys!
I did some research and discovered that the engagement was for fun (i dont know whether its the truth or not) but i accept it for the time being. Less stress for me.
The girl, she told me that they were just playing (hopefully lah kan?) ..
It cost me my secrets and feelings to get that info.. i DID it again! darn!
I told her everything about my feelings for her...and she was like...blurr and couldnt accept that i still and do love her.

The next day, i brave up myself to invite her for a date to settle some miscommunication we had in the past because of the Short Message System. I have to be brave and talk to her live!
But, it feels as if she doesnt want to or not ready for the talk yet. She keeps wanting other people to come with us and not wanting it to be a date just the two of us (is it?)
I became frustrated again.

Okay enough bout that,
i have another problem...a friend..after accusing me things i didnt do..said that she wanted to meet me and tell alllll the stories we've been missing...and updates me with things...but she let me (who hasnt sleep much) down. We made a promise that after i finishes class..that we will sit down somewhere and talk. How amazing she could just sleep and said that she's not well and later she'll contact me...what the..? Hey! I havent slept for a while and i didnt go back home straight from class because of you okay? I picked up another friend bcause she also wants to talk to you but this is how u repay us? If u dont want to meet and keeps avoiding..then i'll say it here..hopefully u'll stalk this and read it...
One thing i've been dying to say .. please..stop treating me like a dumb...
I LOVE helping people but please dont use that its-an-order tone with me. I kept my calm for a long time..u came to me when u need my help..u tossed me away when u dont need me...who or what do u think i am??? I am a person with feelings and im not stupid that i do not realize things like this...but for other people to talk back and some even say it to my face..you're tearing off my EGO la babe...
I tried so hard to please u..to help u..to be there when u need it...but u shud have done the same..i didnt ask u to come when im in need..all i ask u is to not simply break your promises or dont make promises u cannot fulfill!
I dont know if u realize this or not..but u keep failing to be there to hangout with me or us after making beautiful promise..i know your voice is very attractive and so do you yourself...but please...dont use that advantage..my patience have limits dear...

Please do not treat me like some kind of noob dumb shit. Respect people if u want people to respect u. I almost fell in love with u if not because of these you know?
I really wish to help u..be with u..and do whatever it takes to bring u back to the right path..but it seems that u yourself do not wish the same.
You're not being honest with me..you keep cancelling / covering things with your lies!

Hopefully i can meet you and settle all this once and for all. If u do not change..i'll break my promise and totally leave u (not that u need me much kan? u have your FRIENDS/KULI BATAK everywhere. I know by reading this u will be quite mad with me..but i seems to always fail to say it out in front of your face. Im not good with 1 to 1 live talk. This blog is the place i always pour my feelings and dissappointment or whatsoever. Hopefully u realize what've done and what is my goal exactly. Please...dont stray away more...it makes me sad to see a friend becoming like this. Contact me as soon as u are ready to meet..if im ready and available..i'll meet u and we can settle this mano o mano.

Ok..then..next story...is about another friend...
I wouldnt say much..as we already did just now at Extreme Park rite?
I apologize on behalf of myself and the others who are too ignorant to correct u when u are wrong. Maybe its our fault..
But Alhamdulillah all has been said (as for me lah) ...and hopefully u will change bit by bit after this.. after all..we are friends rite?
If u want a good and memorable memoirs here..u need to change and let us be friends..REAL FRIENDS..no more on sympathy or hypocrit basis..but be REAL friend.
Sorry again and thanks for not running away from the problems...u face it well just now even after all we've said...u didnt run or avoid us..Thanks..
Hopefully we can be good friends after this..no more hard feelings k? (^.^)v

That's all i can say..too sleepy...anyway...2 more to go..
1. Conversation with the other 'friend'
2. Settling my emotions problem with 'the girl' ...

Pray for me! That's all i guess...bye.

Baru ku sedari~

Aku tak mengerti ... apa yang kurasa,
Rindu yang tak pernah ... begitu hebatnya
Aku mencintaimu lebih dari yang kau tahu ...
Meski kau tak akan pernah tahu

Aku persembahkan ... hidupku untukmu,
Telah kurelakan ... hatiku padamu,
Namun kau masih bisu ... diam seribu bahasa
Dan hati kecilku bicara ...

Baru kusadari ...
Cintaku bertepuk sebelah tangan
Kau buat remuk seluruh hatiku ...

Semoga waktu akan mengilhami sisi hatimu yang beku,
Semoga akan datang keajaiban, hingga akhirnya kaupun mau

Aku mencintaimu
Lebih dari yang kau tahu ...
Meski kau tak kan pernah tahu




ni lagi satu..mantab shit.


Song Name: Growing Wings
Arist: Loula
First Appearance: Drakengard

Crimson lights the sky, the bird still asleep
Like a dream it shines, from heaven's safe keep
Children songs we sung, as soft as the breeze
Endless fields, our home, I long for those days

I call out these prayers to the sky, heavy with thought, see your face
I carry these memories inside, thoughts of a soul colored by love
See me grow wings and fly high, passions will die down below
I burn in a basin of fire, watchers look on as they dance in their merciless sky
Watching me, watching you

Silent black, the dawn, and time tell its tale
Darkened blood, it flows, the forest receives
Look within the dark as deep as you dare
There inside you find destruction you seek

I call out these prayers to the sky, heavy with thought, see your face
I carry these memories inside, thoughts of a soul colored by love
See me grow wings and fly high, passions will die down below
I burn in a basin of fire, watchers look on as they dance in their merciless sky
Watching me, watching you