Chaos???

Have u ever heard of chaos? Chaos in malay means 'Huru-hara'. Actually, i dont know why im posting over this..but i just want to say , chaos is the right word rite now for my mind. Its so chaotic in here that i cant think right! How weird, yesterday, i went to all the usual places i always do but with different routes. If its shorter, it'll be fine..but its so fucking far and its like im making a round to get the places. Whoooo! Nevertherless, i got to where i wanted.

These past few days, i've been thinking, and thinking, am I able to be a good teacher? Will i be able to cope up with the students' behaviour? Can i manage to co-operate with the teachers? Will I? Can I? !!!!!!!!!!!!

The more i learn the subjects, the more im having trauma of going to school. Its called Paranoid. Period.

There are other things on my mind too, but i guess i just have to brush them off for a while..or forever. I dont want more n more greys on my head! Plus, my body is getting weaker , day by day, with every puffs i make. Damn those creators of cigarettes! It feels so hard to breathe..sometimes..and i get tired easily..am i dying? One thing i know, i must STOP. Sooner or later. I dont want to lose anyone anymore because of these. I lost my father and my uncle because of it. And yet, i repeated history of smoking. Oh please, my inner will, please, be tough!

CRAPS!